lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
