I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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