I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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