Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
