I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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