Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize