Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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