Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
