my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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