I just pynch a tree in the face
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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