Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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