Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
