I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
