as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
