1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
