I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
