our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My vagina is officially offended.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
