she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
