My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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