So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
