I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
