Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
