it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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