I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
