Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
