it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i will never coherently bang her
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
