Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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