so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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