if i can run in heels then i can drive
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
