Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
