awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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