it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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