Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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