Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
