Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there is puke in my bra ... again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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