just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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