1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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