At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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