I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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