she told me i tasted like america
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
