Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You ruined the universe
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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