I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
