I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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