I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
