funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
