i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
