my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
