So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
