ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
