Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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