Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
