I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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