wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
