She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
