Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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