it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
