I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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