I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
