This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
