i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
