My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize