He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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