Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
