Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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