Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
