we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
