so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
