New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know her cup size but not her name....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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