I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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