Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He is an equal opportunity slut.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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