Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she smelled like a LAN party
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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