I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
