Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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