I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
