you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
