i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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